When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to find people who’ve already been down that road. While it may feel good to commiserate about your no-good exes, at some point you have to start seeing the positive in your new life and stop dwelling on the past. The people with whom you surround yourself can have a big impact on your own attitude.
One divorce coach names four specific types of people to avoid for your own good during and after your divorce:
— “Blaming Betties:” These are people who choose to blame everything from a spouse’s career or hobby to another man or woman for the divorce rather than take any personal responsibility.
— “Laptop lawyers:” They dispense all sorts of legal “advice,” often aimed at how to get the most from your ex. While you can learn from other people’s mistakes, every divorce is different. Your attorney should be the only one whose legal advice you’re taking. If you and your ex are dealing with the divorce amicably, don’t let others create problems where there needn’t be.
— “Pitiful Pams:” These folks are still wallowing in self-pity or are constantly engaged in drama with their ex. Maybe they think that this is what post-divorce life is supposed to be. Don’t let them drag you down into that mindset.
— “Man hating exes:” Of course, these can just as easily be woman-hating exes. Because their marriage to one person didn’t work out, they’ve determined that all men or women are no-good cheaters or narcissists. Maybe they’re even seeking out people with the negative characteristics of their ex without even realizing it, so they’re attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Self-reflection is a good way to avoid falling into this trap. What is it about your spouse’s and/or your own behavior that you want to avoid in future relationships?
If you need to share your feelings with others in your situation, a support group might be a good alternative. Experienced therapists can keep the conversation from devolving into self-pity and blame and help people focus on what they’ve learned from their divorce to take forward into the future. Your family law attorney can likely recommend a good therapist and/or support group in your area.
Source: Huffington Post, “The 4 People to Avoid During Your Divorce and What You Should Do Instead,” Lisa Schmidt, May 10, 2016